Hope is the Substance of Things That Do Not Exist

Preacher told us that the way hope works is 
you have to want something enough
that it stirs up some hope in you
and then hope needs to grow up a bit
and create some faith inside of you and

then that little black preacher said
"But you have to have faith that what you are hoping for
is actually on its way and that," he said, 
"is going to require courage and it's that
courage that causes you to do something

that puts feet to your faith. "Oh,
he went on real powerfully explaining
how you have to use your mind, your will,
your emotions and your mouth to call upon that 
thing that does not exist as if it does

and he didn't want us, sitting there in that tiny church
to think that was all there was to it
because then we might never see much of anything
happen with our hope.  He stomped his foot
on the hollow altar and growled

"You have got to be willing to change some things
if you want some things to change."

Israel

There are parts of me 
now spread
all over the Holy Land.

I may be found 
floating 
buoyant
laughing
and careful about my eyes
in the Dead Sea

I will forever 
be running down 
the snake path 
from Masada
challenged, surefooted
and baking in the sun.

I am that one that isn't 
anymore 
the outdated, been delivered
being 
who cast her old bread
in the Jordan River. 
I am baptized, renewed 
and the bride made ready.

I am on the boat
much like the one
Peter fulfilled his 
own desire from
where he walked 
on the water
when Jesus said "come."
The boat where the storm
was commanded to be still,
the boat where those nets 
were cast and filled to bursting.
The boat from which one 
can see the beach 
where Jesus cooked 
breakfast for his disciples.

I am a tourist standing in lines
to buy both treasures and junk,
I am a tourist with camera
hoping to capture some of 
this magic, this mystery, this beauty.
I am a tourist straining to hear 
a soft voiced tour guide ramble on 
and on and on about the archealogical
significance of this site and that rock
and those ruins.

I am a little kid
living on a kibbutz, 
riding on a camel,
laughing with my girlfriend, 
staying up too late with my roommate,
I am a little kid
hurrying through the rabbi's tunnel,
searching through the rubble
left after the Holocaust.

I am a believer
standing on holy ground
searching for and sensing the power
of my Saviour.  I am a believer
stunned into silence, thrown to my knees 
in reverence, touched at the very core
of who I am to be.

I am just a thirsty person
desperate for a sip 
of the truth of who Jesus
is and was and what His plans
are for me.

I Have Found My Courage

It seemed so elusive
for all these years
oh, it would come 
and I'd do something
fantastic
or dangerous
or, even, stupid
but then it would go.
I'd just wake up one day
and it was gone
and I was 
scared
or defeated
or too tired 
to summon it back

Just like with everything else
that seems so complicated
about being alive
I knew it had to be simple
obvious
and do-able
because God knows
we need help.

So I did a lot of research
I looked within myself
for courage
and I looked outside myself
I read books
and attended seminars and workshops
I even lead seminars and workshops
that dealt with issues pertaining 
to courage.

Courage is like water
you just can't do without it
you can't last that long 
or go that far
without it.

So where does courage come from?
Does it have anything at all to do with being smart
or finding yourself
or having good parents
or bad parents
or eating well
or exercise?

Courage.

Have you ever heard that saying that faith comes by hearing?
Hmm.  

So what you hear determines what you have faith for?
Hmm.

So then what is being said is what matters.
Hmm

So does that mean that courage lives in your mouth?
Yes, it does.

Courage waits for your breath to carry it into existence
Courage is a choice
Courage is a choice of words.

On Second Thought

Once it is all said and done and we go through
the final act of letting go of someone we love
it seems a good time, maybe even a God time
to re-evaluate our own walk, our own life and our
own impact upon the natural world and our
ability to operate in the supernatural world

I'd like more from my life than I am currently taking
I'd like to have a lot more confidence and a lot less fear
I'd like to emanate goodness and terrify badness
I want to open my own prison doors so that I can
open some prison doors for others or at least share
my testimony about getting my own open
I'd like to come against all these stupid limitations
I have put upon myself and others and truly be as magnificent 
as I was made to be

As far as time goes I know it goes quickly
and too many good ideas go with it
they are like vapor in the wind and that
is my responsibility to recognize the need 
to keep track of these things, to manifest good ideas
and to harvest the seeds from this magnificent walk

Its not that I have gotten lazy
I think I have just worn myself down
with some doubts and fears and it isn't worth
being right about the wrong things
On second thought I would like to find my 
clicker, my remote and push play and begin at
a new beginning right now right away 
and try not to waste anymore time.


Julie Evans
Lover of Life
Seeker of Truth
Woodstock, NY